Preparing for labor pain is no joke. It's a serious business, and any expectant mother will tell you that it's one of the scariest parts of pregnancy. But that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun while we're at it, right?
As someone who has been through labor pain (and it's nothing like you see in movies and TV shows to know what it's like), I've come up with some hilarious tips for preparing yourself for the big day.
First off, you're going to want to start practising your breathing exercises. But not just any breathing exercises, oh no. You're going to want to practice breathing like Darth Vader. That's right, deep, raspy, heavy breathing. Not only will it help you get in the zone, but it'll scare the crap out of anyone in the room with you.
Next up, you'll want to practice your screaming. Yes, screaming. And not just any screaming, but high-pitched, blood-curdling screams. You know, the kind that makes your partner regret ever getting you pregnant in the first place. This will not only help you let out some of that pain and frustration, but it'll also ensure that everyone in the hospital knows you mean business.
Now, let's talk about pain relief. Sure, there are plenty of medications and techniques out there to help alleviate the pain, but have you ever considered just distracting yourself with a good ol' game of Candy Crush? That's right, download the app and start playing as soon as those contractions hit. You'll be so focused on matching those candies, you won't even notice the pain.
Lastly, let's talk about snacks. You're going to need some serious sustenance to get through labour but forget about those boring granola bars and crackers. No, you need something more substantial. Something like a cheeseburger. That's right, load up on the carbs and protein with a greasy, delicious burger. Sure, it might not be the healthiest option, but if you're in labor, you deserve it.
So there you have it, folks. My hilarious tips for preparing yourself for labour pain. Just remember, laughter is the best medicine (except for an epidural, that's pretty good too).
Copyright © 2023 Aruneeta Srivastava
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